The argument on origins...so far

This post is meant as humourus and is in NOT inetended to reflect the true mind numbing range of this debate. It is a jest, and in good faith. I

The argument on origins...so far

Bronze Age

Creationism: The world is too complex to be designed by sheer chance, therefor it was designed by the Gods (or God – but that is not fashionable yet, unless you are a Chaldean, Egyptian, or Jew)

Atheism: Nothing exists but what we can see, feel, hear, and touch. I may not even be real, and this argument is a figment of your imagination!

Creationism: Some things are too small to see, some to quiet to hear, and some to removed to touch, but they exist just the same.

Atheism:Whatever, retard.

Classical Age:

Atheists: We have PROVEN with mathematics that the Gods do NOT exist....uh wait a second what is this negative stuff, and what is.... wtf (jumps off a cliff in Italy)

Polytheism: Wait! Don't do it! Oh shit...we had a rebuttal. Oh well, let's focus on those barbarians shall we? Hang on a minute: Did he eat the mushrooms?

Medieval period

Atheism: Okay now we have you! What about EVIL? EH? Well? Don't wait for the translation!

Theism: Evil's very existence proves that Good must exist. If these things are not man made paradigms, then they must exist by themselves...why? Who decides what is 'good'? Why God of course – the Creator!
Atheism: WHAT – EV – ER! Hey, are you guys lighting a fire or something?

Renaissance
Atheism: Okay, I am not trying to be a jerk or anything, but there is evidence the world is older than the Bible says it is... well at least what I think it says... does it say anything about that?

Theism: Sure, the Bible was written by men. The dates could be off, and the method could be metaphor. Why not study some theology and see what you make of it.
Atheism: Okay... Oh shit this is pretty good stuff. (changes his name to deism and meets a girl)

The 'enlightenment'

Atheism: HA! Now we have got you backwards cretins! We have created a new faith, in the state. We have Turned your 'Notre Dam' into our temple of reason. The age of MATERIALISM is born!!!
Theism: Make sure not to lose your heads over all that.

Atheism: What's that? We will never – chop- ..... (interrupted by Mme Guillotine)

The Victorian Period

Atheism: (after repeating all previous arguments) Okay THIS time you're FUCKED. We have finch beaks and protoplasm, what do you have Mr God guy? Eh? Come on now, or did they not teach you how to speak in the monastery?

Theism: Cambridge a monastery? We have purpose, meaning, the soul, and our traditions. Besides what on earth is 'protoplasm' and what did the finches turn into? Just longer beaked finches? Oh... neat.

The modern age to present

Atheism: AHA! Not only did all pour previous arguments destroy you completely (but you are somehow still oppressing everyone!) but we have a new one now – the BIG BANG! We can prove that the universe was a void, formless, and with out purpose! Then there was light and EVERYTHING came for NOTHING all at once – time space, everything...so how's your God now? DEAD maybe?

Theism: Reads like Genesis... and almost ALL creation epics. Thanks! We needed that.
Atheism: You people are really too much, it's almost like you're cheating! Who's helping you with this crap? Alien theists? Maybe it is the 'right wing'??? EH?? Never mind you probably have a brain disorder.

Present

Atheism: Now your toast, Senor Divinity. We have mapped the DNA code and found massively complex instructions that design the anatomy of every living thing, we have mapped the brain and found out that the brain is a computer, earth was probably seeded by aliens, and we have physics to prove that other realities exists...well, scratch that last one. Our tests PROVE that all traits are just functions of the brain. Being gay is a disorder and inherited, religion is a throwback, and emotions are easily medicated. Anyway DNA and the brain = your toast!

Theism: Okay...sure. The DNA is a code of information. Where did it come from, and who or what encodes the information, and for what end purpose? A design requires a designer and a function. The brain a computer? Okay, where is the 'user'? As for the 'disorders', how do you propose to 'treat' them? Maybe you just want to breed out those gays and religious types. As for the physics, we have been saying that all along. You call it M-theory, we call it the Supernatural. Aliens, why not? We have all sorts of mythology about that type of thing. Want to address string and wave theory? Maybe the quantum field?

Atheism: NO! Why would I, idiot. You only know about that stuff because of modern western science!

Theism: Sure, that's true! And we only have modern western science because of the Theist classical and Christian civilizations. And what about the Norse and Celtic faiths?

Atheism: You people are trapped by your false morality (an illusion) and cannot hope to ever see the real freedom that is non belief ! Your tiny minds have been the cause of all the horrors in history, and you DARE take credit for science!!! ???You and those toga wearing ASSHOLES?! Vikings? Druids? PUH-LEASE! They were better than you, but I am WAY better than them! Besides, they scare me...JERK! (performs the obligatory materialist sneer). Your children should be taken away, as you are abusing them by exposing them to and limiting them with your superstitions!

Theism: Morality is not false, it is essential. History is not ours alone, and while we admit our guilt freely, and issue apologies - will the New Atheists do the same for Social Darwinism and the various genocides committed by these 'free' minds (or should we say brains?) such as the Nazi, Chinese, Korean, Cambodian, Soviet, etc etc? Methinks not.
Children will be better with strangers and no culture? I see why morality is a problem for you, as I see why moral authorities higher than your own are a problem. “thou shall worship no other God but me”, eh? We will stick to the real deal, thanks – humans are brilliant, but just NOT up to the task.

Atheism: You bat-shit crazy, bipolar, passive aggressive, faggot er, I mean redneck, whitetrash, cracker. Soon enough you will see! Atheism is coming back in a big way...hey who's that guy with the Shamagh and the knife glaring at me and my stuff? Whats with the green flag? Oh never mind, at least he not a ZIONIST or a Corpse worshipper!

Theism: Well, I guess we will have to continue this later...we have supper with the Deists, Pantheists, and Agnostics. We would invite you along, but we know you think we are all idiots and would be embarrassed by our silly traditions and clothes. Anyway, looks like you have company too. Again, don't lose your head over this stuff. God bless, and have a good life.

Atheism: Fuck YOU and your God!!!! Nothing exists but what I can sense. You deluded bastard, the people of the ..... The adhān (Muslim call to prayer) drowns out the rest.

Agnosticism: Holy shit, man. What's with him?

Theism: He's fanatical about his beliefs.

Deism: Can we get a pizza?
Theism: Sure, what do you want on it?
Deism: Make me one with everything! 
Pantheism: Smart ass!